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Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
6:34 pm - fuck you
ever get the feeling that everything is stupid, meaningless, pointless?
when i think too much...thats how i feel. and then i get mad at myself for feeling such cliched emotions. but when you think about it, everything is a cliche, sorta. ("i am a cliche"..mmm...ze loverly x-ray spex)(i love spelling loverly with that r. it makes it...i dunno. happy. its a happy r)like nothings original and crap so...whenever people think theyre being profound theyre really just stating things that have already been said, somewhere else. i know ive written about this before so this very paragraph is redundant but i just cant get over it... lifes just weird sometimes. high school, growing up. im just...a misfit i guess. i really dont feel like i fit in anywhere. you can dress me up however, coat my face in makeup, and give me lines to recite and i still wont be able to deny the fact that i have a hell of a hard time trying to relate to people my own fucken age. its easier to talk to adults than to talk to teenagers. i AM a teenager. what the hells wrong with me, i dunno. sometimes i wish i could just grow up and stop thinking and questioning everything. but then i dont think i would like myself so much. not that i like myself now but at least i have respect for myself. if i went through life under the pretense that i find everything to be great, fine, and dandy (weird word) then i'd just be an insincere fake whore. its like the dead kennedys said, "I'd rather stay a child and keep my self respect if being an adult means being like YOU".
you being sell out adults who accept their fates and their snug suburban homes, (or safe european homes) (god that songs stuck in my head. rudie come, from jamaica, rudie cant fail) content to just play their stupid predictable parts shit i WISH i wouldnt fucking RAMBLE on all the TIME about this same CRAP thats it, entries done.
(oooh was that hc or what, fuckers)

current mood: cynical

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Friday, May 6th, 2005
11:59 am
I! LAURA! am seventeen.

say what?


yeah so now i can go see rated r movies and drive and oh no slowly but surely before my jaded eyes my childhood is slipping away! aw geez! yeah my birthday was the 27th and and and i dunno i feel the same. lets see, whats been new with me...not much. wow. i need to find meaning to my life. but thats not really new, either.

::something intelligent::

the other day for my birthday i went to cheapos and got the clash london calling LP for dirt cheap along with other vintage wonders. it was nice. i feel a bit like theres not too much to look forward to anymore. cept summer! its starting to get warm out (finally, i mean cmon its may already!) and with the improving weather im in better spirits. less anxious. which is contributing in part to my reckless study habits (or lack thereof). well i dont care its may. and may is almost june and june is summer and summer is happy time. and then college and middle agedom and death. time flies, slips, leaps, bounds. never tripping.

this summer im not getting a job (i say im getting a job every summer and i never do so maybe if i say that im NOT getting a job i actually will. yeahhhh. idiot logic).

so jess got me into this "punk rock cabaret" band, the Dresden Dolls. theyre considered a riot grrrl band i believe even though there are only two members and the drummer is a guy. but theyre amazing and i suggest checking them out to anyone who still reads this. probably noone does read this anymore so im probably just writing to myself. which is fine with me because writing is therapeutic, right? write! riot grrrls are cool. either cool or annoyingly, obnoxiously, overtly feministic and uber liberal. same thing, right.

what isnt trendy nowadays. i feel very unoriginal. the whole concept of laura is trite. the weird awkward loner thing is so 1996.
"i am the girl anachronism".

tomorrow is my grandpas surprise birthday party and sunday is mothers day but i didnt get anything for my mom so...i dunno. i dont really know what to get her. every year i get her the same exact perfume but now shes stocked up on that junk. i would get her something original, something wonderful...ooh! eureka! ill get a gift certificate! whats more unique than that, eh?

eureka...wow im a loser. haha thats gonna be my word of the week and im gonna say it til everyone hates me to death. that they hate me so much they love me.

your ree, ka?


current mood: nihilistic?

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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
6:32 pm
todays been a rather lonely day. everythings been weird lately with school and pressure concerned with that. i mean i know that by nature im a pretty distant person but i think lately things have been getting "worse" with that. it feels hard to level with anyone, really. so today i wasted 24 hours worrying about school and college and SAT's and whether i even want to go to college anymore. yeah i get that its the "next step", but i dont think its really what i want. just being in school with my friends my peers and seeing and hearing the same shit every day gets real monotonous and dull really quickly. like the stuff i used to find so much fun i just feel is really trivial now. everything. its not like i just woke up from a deep sleep or anything its more that ive come to realize that im not really living, and i really am in the middle of sleeping away my life. reading that over it doesnt make any sense i know. eh ive just been feeling really wistful, sad, fat, unhappy. i want out of...me. why cant i be someone else, someone rich and ignorant? so the whole day i listened to punk music which just made me more frustrated because last year i threw away all my old cds to whittle down my collection to the bare "essentials". right. that was brilliant of me. when you feel like crap listening to bands bitch about the government just really help as a pick me upper. need more ska records those usually work. ha shit i didnt even think of that. until now. i like the briggs though. theyre not annoying. and their lyrics are intelligent. this entrys over.

current mood: bitchy

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Friday, October 15th, 2004
12:23 pm
this is like the first time im updating this in ever. things are actually going fine. borderline depressed that im going to be missing uk subs....theyre playing halloween...fucking british fags why cant they play on a friggen saturday? oi...well schools fine met some new people who are beyond cool, havent been mood swinging so much as i used to, psats tomorrow, my lifes going crazy, been getting into philosophy more, learning to apreciate astronomy more, liking my teachers, having grades that are like bi-polar in that theyre high theyre low never in between. regretting missing the goons but im going to see reel big fish the 20th and big d and the kids table. been listening to so much ska; and to think, last year i hardly listened to any ska! joined some clubs at school been socializing more, starting to corrupt innocent freshmen (so much fun), and i dont even know how many run on sentences ive made in this entry. but im happy and i want to be a writer when i grow up. that much i do know right now. went to show last week it was decent. sorta miss molly blooms shows maybe i can introduce them to samiey but her parents are really strict. well time will tell i guess (im in a cliche mood today)
cheers or whatever
ps im in love with this band....theyre so cool. but youre not good enough to know the name of the band. because none of you care to listen to my crap anyway.

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Friday, September 24th, 2004
2:36 pm
hm i was going to talk about how shitty my day was but lets skip that drama for once.

well. heres the abridged version: today was shit. the end.


current mood: aggravated

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Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
9:01 pm - oi!
school doesnt suck as much as i had expected
an apology for my previous ranting i have a tendency to get really mad over stupid shit sometimes and then in retrospect regret it. but yea, lifes not all that bad and ive met some new interesting people this year who i look forward to getting to know better. snaps for laura's lack of hostility!
(snap snap)
~I am Laura's complete surprise
(ive been watching fight club a bit too much)

current mood: curious

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Thursday, August 26th, 2004
3:37 am - oh man alright...get ready for venting
okay i havent updated in here for awhile
ive been updating on xanga like a gazillion times. anyway. i feel there are several things i should address.

question: Laura,why do you only go to shows where there are really big bands playing? is it that you dont want to support the scene? that youre a poseur? that you dont give a shit about the local scene? laura?
answer: why, fuck you! ill go to whatever fucking shows i fucking please going to and if anyone has a problem with that they can go and fuck themselves. multiple times. with sharp painful objects.

question: um, but you didnt address all the questions. and this isnt a question.
answer: yeah. well. i dunno maybe i am a poseur. but i think the local so fucking called fucking scene is a pretty tight knit community and not everyone is all that nice at local shows anyway to newcomers. and whenever i go to local punk shows i feel like a misfit because hey newsflash i am a misfit but i'd be perfectly content with that if people didnt give me shit for it. if i knew i could go to shows and not be painfully self conscious then fuck i would go all the time. but
a)im naturally self-conscious and
b) its hard not to be self-conscious when youre like the only black girl there. out of like. alot of people. and i know i shouldnt bring up the whole racial thing but i think that it does factor in why i dont CONSTANTLY feel the fucking NEED or compulsion to go to shows. why would you want to go somewhere where you dont feel comfortable. why would you want to go somewhere where you dont feel accepted. why would you want to put yourself in a position where you dont really know too many people in "the scene" and you dont really have all that many friends who actually like, or would even tolerate punk music. i love the music. but i know that almost all of my friends dont. therefore when i drag them to shows i dont feel all that happy because theyre not all that happy. and its my fault.

question: so, why are you so mad?
answer: im not mad.

question: you seem mad
answer: thats not a fucking question

question: chill out
answer: fuck you

question: you know the fact that youre basically having an argument with yourself indicates that you might not be so stable, mentally.
answer: yeah tough shit

question: so are you planning on going to any shows soon?
answer: actually yes theres a ska show im going to quite soon. and my friends will be there. and ill be happy there. because when youre around friends and people you feel happy around you dont have to compromise how fucking comfortable you are. because just being with them is enough to make you smile.

question: well what about Other Shows
answer: perhaps ill try going to local shows again but i think ill go by myself from now on. true self-isolation might not be the best idea but i dont really think that ive ever had a real problem with going to shows by myself. my parents dont like it but like i said, tough shit. and some people actually are nice at shows. others arent. its inevitable to encounter assholes i mean you should just learn to deal with it. its like supposedly a part of growing up or whatever.

question: now that youve said all that do you feel less angry
answer: who said i was angry?

question: you cant answer questions with questions
answer: well you shouldnt pose questions that are rhetorical

current mood: annoyed

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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
8:50 pm
i feel worse than shit. i feel hopeless.
better that i suppose than feeling nothing.

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Saturday, July 10th, 2004
10:12 pm
i love the fuck you song, by the craig and keith show. they never became a big band. you know that band that was by the creators of mall monkeys? i mean theyre not together anymore but ive always liked that band.

anyway so ive been feeling really lonely in the past hour or so. is that weird? i get lonely a lot. i really shouldnt, but...i do. i get to thinking, what am i doing home alone right now? what am i doing watching tv right now? why arent i ANYWHERE else? with my friends? with anyone else, aside from my family? i dont know. i force myself to be a major loner and then cringe at the consequences. you know that sinking feeling you get when you see someone you know in the hall and so you say, hi buddy or whatever to that person or the persons name and they dont say hi back or they look at you and then away? well maybe you dont but thats a shitty feeling. anyway thats similar to the feeling i get whenever i force myself to go out places where i know i dont know anyone. yet i do it anyway. i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, why cant i be a normal 16 year old and stress out about normal 16 year old things? i mean...i guess when i think about it im totally not normal. i mean even my friends say im so weird and they love me for that or whatever but i dont know if i do i really dont know anymore i just want to fit in. but then i dont want to fit in. but i do. but i dont. but i do. but i dont know what i want and i guess thats a part of growing up. i guess if i truly wanted to fit in i'd just go along with the whole stereotypical black teenager thing. even my family doesnt understand i mean theyre totally confused with the whole punk infatuation thing. ive tried listening to rap, ive tried listening to r&b and hip hop. and its not even like anyones trying to force feed that shit to me. its just not me and i dont know why thats not me i mean...why not. though i do like some reggae. i get myself so friggen upset because i guess sometimes when youre half and half of something you dont really feel like you fit in...i mean i know i dont feel like i fit in anywhere, maybe not because im half white so much as because i have this really weird feeling that im automatically not accepted when people look at me?

im just insecure. really really really insecure. im the most insecure person i know. im a sensitive insecure person and thats a dangerous combo because im always paranoid and my feelings get hurt easily. i mean half the time when my friends hurt my feelings they dont even know because ill laugh or smile and shit but sometimes...they do. i guess that happens when people tease me about stuff im insecure about. actually i dont mind all that much...just...a little bit, sometimes. when they do it toooooo much and i have like no self-esteem left.

and i cant write. i would blame it on the season, but its not Summer's fault that i cant write. its my fault. lack of creativity or whatever. wow i cant believe what a shitty mood ive dragged myself into just by typing in here. i suppose spilling my guts online isnt worth much but right now i dont feel better doing it. not that anyone is actually going to be reading this shit, maybe like 2 people actually read this. well. i started writing something:

I go out on a limb
The bones in that limb shatter
My premise is in ruins
And white flag? In tatters.

Heart on a sleeve
And when that sleeve rips
So does my heart
Into shadows it slips

Friends say that they understand
But if that were true
They'd leave me alone
With my thoughts of you

Im not putting the rest online i mean the rest is just TOO personal. im going to listen to reel big fish now and be cheered up. ska does wonders for the soul. lol yeah im not a big ska fan but come on its such happy music that listening to it cant help but make a person feel better.

~that girl with the glasses from scooby doo

current mood: crushed

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5:49 pm - hahahahhahahahha
oh man this is too great. directly copied from this site:http://ska.about.com

How to Skank:
Here's How:
Get your spine nice and
Bend your knees and loosen
your arms.
Bend your elbows and make some tight fists.
Feel the music and let it swing your
arms with elbows bent.
Bend forward and feel your knees bounce with the
Move your weight from one leg to the other with
the downbeats.
Get in the groove and rock stead-easy,
steady rock easy.
Stop smiling. Your in heaven inside but
outside you're looking tough.
Stare blankly in to the far corner of
the room.
Ignore the ignoramuses around
you who just don't get it.


Add shades and hat for extra rude effect.
Watch out for random skinhead moshers.

"that extra rude effect". priceless.

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
9:24 am - yay
i didnt get any sleep last night or the night before so i guess that means i havent slept two nights in a row. i saw the sun rise. stupid sun. my mom called up verizon or something and it turns out they do have dsl in my area so now i wont have to deal with THIS. my summer hasnt been all that bad. i went to adventureland with sam and michelle and mandi and that was cool even though NONE of the rides were scary anymore. i mean i used to be so scared of the roller coaster. but yeah i guess i finally grew up. sorta.

i still like going there though because im a loser and come on cotton candy is cotton candy.

speaking of candy i have no cavities. lol i really like my dentist hes pretty funny hes like "omg omg omg you grew up so much!" but i look the same as i did last year so i know he doesnt remember me, lol. oh well. hes a nice guy.

"i need you like water in my lungs". thats from a song...i think thats so pretty and sad

well might as well post all the lyrics. but im not emo or pathetic just for liking this song. (just so you know)

We sent out the SOS call.
It was a quarter past four in the morning
when the storm broke our second anchor line.
Four months at sea, four months of calm seas
only to be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.
They call then rogues, they travel fast and alone.
On hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong.
What they call love is a risk,
cause you will always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own.
The hole in the hull defied tthe crews attempts to bail us out.
And flooded the engines and radio and half buried bow.
Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea or dashed to bits on the reef.
The vessel groads the ocean pressures its frame.
Off the port I see the lighthouse through the sleet and rain.
And I wish for one more day to give my love and repay debts.
But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.
They say that the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm.
But this ain't the Dakota, adnt the water is cold.
We won't have to fight for long.
This is the end.
This story's old but it goes on and on until we dissappear.
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.
I know that this is what you want.
A funeral keeps both of us apart.
You kno that you are not alone.
Need you like water in my lungs.
This is the end.

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, July 2nd, 2004
5:27 pm - where you at?
"and then she was like wanna go to this bangin' party yo and im like hellz yeah and shes like should we two way alicia and im like yeah and then we all went to the party and got 10 kinds of nasty!"

Where you at??

i LOVE those commercials. you know the senior citizen ones. theyre so great.

current mood: amused

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1:43 pm - shes the woman in disguise, shes the one who tells the lies
hey ive been listening to alot more of angelic upstarts and theyre not all that bad. i mean i really hate that wretched song by them, woman in disguise. and that was the first impression i got from the band but now that ive listened to more of them i retract any malicious statements ive made about them in the past (not that the members of the band actually give a shit, its the principle of the thing)

current mood: mischievous

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1:26 pm - shows
these are shows im hereby COMMITTING to going. that means no backing out on my part.

july 11:
Agnostic Front @ Downtown
Agnostic Front
Most Precious Blood
Cause For Alarm
With Honor

july 16:
The unseen and Defiance at the knitting factory
The Unseen
New York, NY
Knitting Factory

07-19-2004 20:00 GMT Knitting Factory Show
-Dirty Rotten Imbeciles
-Kill Your Idols
-No Redeeming Social Value
8:00 PM

july 31:
Common Enemy and more at molly blooms2
Forgotten City Entertainment Presesnts
saturday july 31st at Molly Blooms 2
doors at 2, 10bux all ages

Common Enemy
Fine Line
Eyes of Hate
The Oblivious
These are the Days
1 more TBA


Skeptix, Demob show at CBGB's
315 Bowery NYC

The Skeptix
All Or None
Cranked Up


Forgotten City Entertainment presents week # 10 at
Molly Blooms @ in amityville
doors at 7, 16 and over 10 bux

The Krays
NY Rel-x
Zombie Vandals
Last Call Brawl
Fine LIne

Lower Class Brats & Cheap Sex

Lower Class Brats and Cheap sex are doing their east coast tour this summer and wanted a long island show......


The Show is being held at Molly Blooms in Amityville because we couldnt get another venue big enough on short notice......It was either that or nothing so deal with it....The lineup is as follows.....

-Civil Disorder
-The Oblivious
-The Skum
-Zombie Vandals
-Cheap Sex
-Lower Class Brats

Since I have a gaurentee for these bands i need to make enough money.....Im going to charge 10 bux instead of 12 or 15 but all you fucks gotta flyer and get as many people to this as possible, if the show works i will continue to book bigger bands and try gettin some more interesting shows..... (Sal thinks he did it all by himself, but he wouldnt have the bands if it wasn't for me (Brandon)


august 30th the clap, thought riot,eyes of hate
august 30th
molly blooms 1 in smithtown

another day
eyes of hate
last breath
sucka punch
THOUGHT RIOT [ a-f records ]
INHUMAN [ a-f records ]

directions and address: Located just West of Route 111 on Main Street (25/25A)

Take the LIE or Sunrise to Route 111 North until Route 25. Make a left. Molly Blooms will be up shortly on your right.

address: Molly Blooms Pub 43 E. Main St. Smithtown

and by committing i mean i have to go to at least 3 or 4 of these shows. i promise myself.

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1:12 pm - everybodys happy nowadays
maybe my nightmares will cease
received my report card (lol i really AM a dork)
didnt fare TOO badly though i was kinda disappointed

in bio i only got a 90 on the regents
in french i only got a 94 on the regents
and in global i got a 97 on the regents. which i was pleasantly surprised with.

on my english final i got a 98, on my health final i think it was a 94, and my math final grade wasnt there. but yeah my actual quarter grades were lower. now my average is only a 92.88. i dont know if thats good enough to get into NYU. the typical person whos accepted into NYU has a 3.5 average and like a 1425 or higher on the SATs. well ill try. i dont even know what a 3.5 average is. whatever it is i dont think i have it.

i hope now that i have the whole report card issue out of the way my parents will let me do more stuff

stuff is cool.



current mood: curious

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9:30 am - darling my heads not right
i started this year out confused.
with goals. i had goals.
now that confusion has advanced to an almost dehabilitating degree. i mean now im realllllly confused. i have no idea what im doing. i just kinda...exist. its not even like i have a pseudo-personality, i mean i dont really have any sort of personality. well. i suppose everyone has a personality of sorts. i guess mines not that clearly defined. or just boring. boring and chaotic. and that might not appear to make sense, but the way i see it on the outside im boring and on the inside im just a mess. you know. like that jack off jill song. lollirot.
(we are all candy covered on the outside, peel away the shell and we're rotting on the inside, we are all angry, angry on the outside...). i actually used to be a realllly big jack off jill fan. the beginning of the year i adored them. and i still do, to a degree. some of their songs are just amazing. its a shame they broke up.

truth be told this summers really sucked for me so far. like. really really. and thats my fault. im such a dork.

its really early. i still havent slept. well maybe not THAT early but way earlier than i usually would be up at. like its going to be 10 in a little while. thats crazy.

i have summer research projects to do. im obligated to do them. oh and that reminds me of this dead kennedys song,

"Sixteen, on the honor roll
I wish that I was dead
Parents hate me, I got zits
And bruises 'round my head

Pressure's on to get good grades
So I can be like them
Do my homework all the time
I can't go out just then

People they ain't friends at all
They tease and suck me dry
Yell at me when I fuck up
And party while I cry
I look so big on paper
I feel so fucking small
Wanna die and you don't care
Just stride on down the hall "

and the rest of the song and second to last line doesnt apply to me but the song does scarily seem familiar...i mean who in their right mind worries about school over the summer?
i have no lifeeeeee
im too fucking conscientious. way too conscientious. why cant i just have fun, why am i holding myself back, why wont i just talk and open up to people?
oh and ive decided im not anti-social. because im not, i honestly do enjoy the company of others. im just not SOCIAL. and im socially retarded and always block people out.

and now mandis mad at me.
sublime makes me feel better.
i have to think things over.
i wish i had someone right now who i can just rant on and on to who wouldnt respond but just listen and kinda absorb everything i say. i guess that this journal makes a rather fair substitute for that, but verbalizing how one feels is different than tying.

i need an alter ego.
i need a life.
i need a hash pipe.
(no thats just weezer in the background, influencing me)

i was talking to chelsea yesterday and raquel now thinks im crazy. i dont care. chelsea doesnt even like me she just hangs around waiting for food. makes a fair companion i suppose. for my mom. yeah. i need a dog for myself who i can talk to and use as a tool for getting me locked up in some mental institution. beats living at home.

my moms on vicodin for her pain. interesting. i wonder if shell get hooked. maybe i can convince her not to take her pills and then sell the pills for money. but no. that would be wrong. lol yeah i would never do that. sure.

(i really never would but i was just surprised they prescribed vicoden, thought that was a tad extreme)

(but what do i know)

(i probably know more than you. but by these entries you wouldnt know that)

(im smarter than you. yes i am)

(dont you dare contradict what im saying)

(why am i writing all of this shit in parenthesis?)

(hm. now how to make these messages subliminal. lowering your self-esteem is essential for my happiness).

alright, enough with stupid mindless rambling.

bye or whatever.

current mood: distressed

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5:47 am - ahoi!
yeah so i didnt sleep at ALL so far.
maybe ill go to slee at like 7ish but im not really tired
well im kinda tired but theres a fly in my room and its buzzing and driving me insane.

so then what i did was i came here and i began to read and make cds like a madwoman. sure there isnt a reason or rhyme behind my doing this but i figure yeah sure why not make up for not going out and having fun yesterday

i have to say x-ray spex is probably my fourth favourite band right now. thats reallllly good in my book because i like a lot of bands. and this key keeps on getting stuck:---- and its inconvenient. i never really knew how much i used "-" but i reallllly do now that ive been typing and imming people and shit. and of course noones online right now but im talking about earlier. so yeah im reading this book and there are a lot of racist words and it was written in 1975 and i dunno that bothered me a little but not too much. well i guess it bothered me enough to write about it, yes? im not just talking about the n word i mean theres a lot of racist crap in it. i guess to portray a realistic view on life in the south? its a fictional story...well. whatever.

anyone at like 2 am i watched this movie called kiss, about this woman who has necrophilia. it was really interesting. i mean it was a movie movie not like a documentary or anything but i thought it was pretty cool. on, of course, the sundance channel. i mean i guess i like that channel so much because they arent afraid to take risks with movies like that. yeah. i respect that. k. well there are a lot of good shows coming up. im thinking i most definitely have to go to the agnostic front show and i dont care if i dont have friends in local scene im totally going because its fucking agnostic front i love that band. and ill drag james and his girlfriend along too because i think i mentioned it to him before.

k yes thats all.
i love my so-called life. and by that im referring to the actual show and my life life. yeah. my life lifes not all that bad.


current mood: groggy

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Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
11:45 pm
today was pretty bad
i guess not that bad
whole day spent listening to music from '77
good shit.

also re-saw ghost world. i love that movie. i love seymour. yeah. so. that was my day. didnt end up hanging out with james OR jess which sucked. i dont even know if im going to a show tomorrow. mandi has camp and jess probably wont be allowed to go, i havent spoken with sam or michelle in ages, and...yeah. thats about it.

i need a decent record player. for cheap. where can i find one? i wonder?

fuck ebay
fuck diyauction.com

maybe I could be DIY. yeah. i could make my OWN record player. out of grass, and bark. and hope.
alright. i think i will.

current mood: artistic

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Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
11:06 pm - The Modern World
punk rock shows are a lot like masturbation.
i mean theres no real logic behind it, but
something makes you want to keep on cumming back for more

talked to this racist asshole
hes such a jerk
i mean why the fuck are people like that
i mean i have somewhat of a tolerance for racist jokes and crap like that
i mean im a pretty realistic person
but outright racism just sickens me
fucking worlds fucked up as it is why the fuck is something trivial like racism accepted and embraced by people.
i dont know. that just pissed me off.
i remember when i was little i used to cry over stuff like that.
i guess when people are exposed to incidents like that time and time again it just makes you more tough.
shouldnt have to happen time and time again though
ah fuck this
tomorrow im going to see james that should be cool
and then thursday ill probably see mandi
and then friday im going to call liz and see if she can hang out or something. right now i cant sleep though because i slept SO FUCKING MUCH last night and this morning.
i dreamed i got my report card back and i got zeros. and my dad was all what the fuck and i was like ah fuck.

bollocks is my new favourite word. im going to use it whenever i think its appropriate because i dont know what it means.


never mind the bollocks, heres the sex pistols

current mood: aggravated

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3:43 pm - shit
i just fucking woke up. unwittingly wasted the whole fucking day. shit.

current mood: pissed off

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